dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
