Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
