i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
