My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
