Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
