It's Friday. Sex?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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