Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
