Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize