looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize