My first STD was from a foam party
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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