My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
