i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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