is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
