i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
