1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
