my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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