So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
