He disabled his match.com account in front of me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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