How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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