i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
