why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
