I didn't shave. On purpose
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
