Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she woke up with a sticky ear
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Girls should come with a carfax report
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
