My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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