I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
