i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
