I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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