I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
