Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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