either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
