That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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