Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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