His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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