in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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