They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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