I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
