clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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