I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
