I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
