your thong is hanging out like whoa
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
