Got a toothbrush?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
