Already got asked if we're dating
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have fence marks all over my body
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
