I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
