I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
