There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
