I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
