Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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