I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
