"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Naked Twister starts at high noon
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Randomize
