i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think your dad took our porno
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
