I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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