is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Drunk is not a location!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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