I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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