i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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