I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
