please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
