i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
