I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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