I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
