She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
