She is in my trunk
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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