Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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