My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize