well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
