3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
