I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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