if i can run in heels then i can drive
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
