Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
