my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize