i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
